Happy 1st birthday!

I just realised that I missed my blog’s birthday! Bad blogger I am. But none the less, Sunday was my 1^st birthday. Who could have ever predicted the past 12 months would take me on such a journey.

This was my first post. I felt a mix of emotions including hope, caution, fear, excitement and trepidation. I suppose we all feel those emotions whenever we’re about to embark down a new path. I remember feeling nervous and stressful about all my concerns, what-ifs and maybes. I don’t think that’s really changed in a year. If anything, it’s probably gotten worse!

Back then, I was worried about the changes a baby would bring to our lives, what kind of parents we would be, handling not having kids, managing the anxiety of the process, and just juggling trying to fall pregnant with the rest of life. I still think about the changes a baby will bring but I no longer worry about it. I still think of the kind of parents we will be but I know we’ll be great. I still worry about not being able to have kids and I think that’s probably the biggest change.

When I started this journey, I had no idea if I could fall pregnant or not. I learnt that I could and that’s a good thing. But it adds a whole other layer to your anxiety when you do fall pregnant, loose the baby and have difficulties falling pregnant again. The interesting thing is I always expected it to take 12 months until I feel pregnant. I always thought we would try for 6 months and would need 6 months of fertility treatment to fall pregnant. So here we are, 12 months later, and it looks like I was right!

I guess that expectation was my belief about how this journey would unfold. I had the path all figured out and knew exactly how long it would take to reach my destination. The mistake I made in setting out with that mindset, was not being prepared for any curve balls that might come my way. That’s the thing about embarking on a journey, you do all your planning, you set your course, you look at your compass and off you set. You overcome the obstacles on the way but sometimes, something comes out of the blue that throws you off course and you have to struggle to get back on it. You have to stand up and dust yourself off to keep going.

It reminds me of what I said to my husband in my wedding speech:

It is with great thrill and excitement that I take this leap with you. We are explorers, venturing into new and strange territory. We will use our combined strengths to overcome the difficulties, find the solutions and navigate our way.

There will be times when we have to go through treacherous terrain, climb up steep hills, swim through wild rivers and sustain scratches and bruises. But there will also be times when the stars are so clear we can see the planets, the sunset stretches as far as the eye can see, and the immense beauty around us brings a tear to our eye.

We start this journey with a commitment to stand next to each other, support each other, hold each other and carry each other. There will be times when one will do it for the other, and times when we do it together. But the key word in all of that, is together.

Those three paragraphs sum up the last year of my life. We have ventured into new and strange territory. We did use our combined strengths to overcome the difficulties. We did have steep hills to climb and wild rivers to swim. We did sustain scratches and bruises. We did see stars and amazing sunsets. We did share times where our love for each other bought tears to our eyes. But mostly, over the past 12 months, we have been there, experienced it, got through it, and continue, together.

I have no doubt that there is more terrain to cross until I reach my destination. I have no doubts that there will be times when the remainder of my journey will be difficult. I have no doubts there will be beautiful moments along the path too. I have no doubt that I will get there!

Thankyou for sharing the past 12 months with me. Thankyou for your ongoing support and encouragement. I hope you’ll stick with me as I continue my path. It’s bound to be eventful. You don’t want to miss it!

Image by Stuart Miles

Courtesy of www.freedigitalphotos.net