I've noticed there has recently been a significant
increase in women posting the same question on the forums I read - How early can
I do a pregnancy test? The good tests can detect a pregnancy from 5 days before
your period is due. However, I have learnt the hard way that testing that early,
or even earlier, is just like buying a ticket for a roller coaster!
It’s only human nature that we want to test as soon as
possible to see if our dream of pregnancy has come true. However, it becomes an
emotional minefield when women go onto the internet to share their symptoms and
ask other women to tell them if they think they’re pregnant or not. I
understand they are just looking for reassurance, but I’ve seen the perilous
journey these posts can take when women say "It looks good”, “Sounds
promising” or “Congratulations" prematurely. Inevitably, the poster then
shares how crushed they are when it turns out they’re not pregnant. They got
their hopes up, only to have them dashed!
They put themselves on the roller coaster of hopes - going at fast speeds, through twists and turns, turning upside, feeling sick and getting off with shakey legs! It's a horrible ride and, I admit I bought a ticket for it, but didn't enjoy it at all. I
tested the day before my period was due for my first pregnancy but only because
I had so many symptoms I knew I was pregnant. I did the same last month because
I had the same symptoms and wanted to know if I could drink at New Year's Eve! It
was a horrible
experience and one I don’t intend to repeat.
I have decided that I will wait until my period is
overdue by 1 week before testing again. The emotional upheaval I suffered last
time is motivation enough for me to stick to my plan. I’m glad that I learnt
this quickly as I see so many women who don’t. I feel for them when I read
their posts – they put themselves through so much emotional pain by questioning
every single symptom they experience the minute after they ovulate. They read
into every single cramp, niggle, strain, pain and ache. And sadly, they do this
over and over again.
Again, I confess to doing the same, but I now realise
that so many other things can cause those symptoms so I don’t read into them
anymore. Case in point - this month, I am again experiencing all the same
symptoms I did when I got my positive pregnancy test but I'm not dwelling on
them. I simply note them down as a way to determine any patterns and move on. I
don’t dwell on it, I don’t over analyse it and I don’t obsess about it. I know
the dates in my head and I’ll simply see what happens.
I’m spurred on by a very sensible friend of mine who shared
her views on this with me. Given she works in the fertility industry, and
recently had a baby, she’s the most qualified person I know to talk about it
from both the physiological and emotional point of views. To paraphrase her,
she said humans are now so intelligent and technologically advanced that we can
detect a pregnancy before it has had the time to properly establish and
determine if it is destined to survive. As a result, pregnancy has become the
emotional journey it was never meant to be.
Her words have become more prophetic to
me now after fearing I had a chemical pregnancy last month. Think of our
mothers, who didn’t find out they were pregnant until 5 or 6 weeks. They never
knew anything about chemical pregnancies – they just thought they got their period
and were never pregnant. They lived in the beauty of ignorance and oh how I
wish I could live in those times!
I understand the pressure and desperation women have to
have a child – especially when it’s taking longer than it was ever meant too. However,
I have experienced enough of life to know that being desperate never bought me the
things I was desperate for. It was only when I let go of the desperation, and
the fear that normally accompanies it, that my desires appeared. I take that
same approach now because desperation creates stress, anxiety, panic and fear
and I'm pretty sure those emotions are not conducive to conceiving a baby.
I’m going for acceptance instead. Acceptance creates
calmness, peace, patience and contentment and I'm pretty sure those emotions
are conducive to conceiving a baby. Trust me, after miscarrying a baby, I could
surrender to the desperation quite easily, but the desperation roller coaster
and hopes roller coaster are at the same theme park and I don’t want to go
there again.
When I read these posts, my first instinct is to type “Do
yourself a favour and put the pregnancy test away and just let it be. Your body
will let you know what's happening.” I feel like I would be judgemental or
standing on my soap box with that kind of response. And, I realise these women
will need to do what I did – ride the roller coaster enough times they become
sick of all the twists and turns and decide to get off. They need to come to
that conclusion by themselves.
The one thing those of us trying to conceive have in
common is impatience. We just want it to happen now. As someone who has suffered
impatience my entire life, I do believe that I am finally seeing the light. I am
starting to learn the value of just sitting back and letting things unfold. I
can put my hand on my heart and say I am truly content to just being open to
whatever will happen. As a spiritual person, I know I am on the journey I'm
meant to be on and whatever is meant to be will be. Struggling with reality, fighting
it or getting upset about it won’t change it. I know I will continue to have
challenges that I will need to overcome because there is no escaping life.
However, I'm hoping that facing them head on, with patience, will help me face them
with calmness and peace. It must be my eternal optimist speaking!
Or, as a fabulous friend shared with me – “An optimist is
someone who thinks that taking a step backwards
after taking a step forward is not a disaster, its a cha-cha.” – Robert Brault.
That perfectly sums up exactly where I'm at – choosing to cha cha my way
into my future!
Image by anat_tikker
Courtesy of www.freedigitalphotos.net
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